Updated: May 10, 2021
To be honest when I first heard of the concept of holding a "Relationship board meeting" my response was something between laughing and the disbelief that this was actually a thing. What the heck was a relationship board meeting and how on earth was it going to improve my relationship with my husband?
But then I pulled myself up. Why? Because my behaviours were not aligning with my values. See two of my values are openness and non-judgemental acceptance. As soon as I reacted in this way something inside my didn't sit right. Dam.
So just for that moment of lapse in judgment and openness, I make the decision to implement this tool of facilitating Relationship Board Meetings with my husband.
That night I explain the idea to my husband, and of course, being his open and amazing self is all up for the idea. Dam he's good.
The first thing we decide on is the day we would hold these meetings. We chose the evening when the kids are in bed on a Friday night so that neither of us had to head off to bed at a particular time.
So the idea is that we sit down together, (with no distractions) be open and honest in the process, communicate how we feel and what our thoughts are, and take turns each answering questions that address your relationship. Now this concept gave the two following questions:
What's important to me in this relationship?
What would I like to share or explore together that's new and exciting?
For Chris and I, having read through the Love Languages book decided to throw in a couple of additional questions which included:
What can I do to help fill your Love Tank?
Have I learned anything new about myself that I should share in this relationship?
Of course, these questions can be totally tailored for you and your partner to help personalise the whole process.
Now whilst at first this felt a bit weird and silly, the more we did it the more natural it felt. Some important steps that I found to help this process included:
Be open and honest in the process. Slowly bring those walls down and share your honest truth.
Feel the fear and step into it. Yes doing things we're not used to can feel scary but in order to grow, we need to step out of our comfort zone so that we can experience new things and develop ourselves.
Listen & share the stage. You may find that once you open the flood gates you will want to keep on talking. But it's important to allow your partner to also have their chance in the spotlight and answer these questions. Same goes for when they are sharing, you may want to but in and add something or correct them, but just hold back. This is their turn, let them have it.
So, at the time of having written this blog, my husband and I have held 5 weekly 'Relationship Board Meetings' and my feedback is........
it has changed so much in our relationship for the better. The communication has increased, the intimacy has increased, the sex is better and more often, the spark/ flame feels brighter and hotter, and I feel closer to my husband now.
Who would have thought dedicating a few minutes a week solely to discussing your relationship with your partner could have such a vast and deep impact.
Now, you can call it a relationship board meeting, sex and love chat, or whatever you want, but at the end of the day, it's about prioritising your relationship with your significant other and taking action to reflect this. That's what made the difference, the fact that I was prioritising 'us' once again.
Another important note is that this activity can be carried out whilst your single. It's important to establish and nurture a healthy and loving relationship with yourself as well as others. In fact, I would go as far as to say that having a healthy and loving relationship with yourself must be established first. I mean how can we learn to love others if we have not yet learned to love ourselves.
So if you choose to have a go at implementing this task with yourself or your partner, let me know how you went. I love to be in touch with you all, hear about your personal journey and help where possible. Take care.